It was a great day for a firing. I loaded the kiln on Saturday, planning for a Sunday firing. As I loaded the kiln I had a faint sense that maybe I was loading the kiln to heavily on the bottom. There were a lot of mugs to get in for a custom order, consequently I put them in first filling the bottom half of the kiln...but I shoved that worry aside and closed the door.
A few weeks ago I ran into a potter and shared that I was finally feeling more comfortable with firing up Lucille. The person's response sounded incredulous in tone as he said, "Well, I should hope so! You've had it for two years now!"...
my insecurity button fired off big time.
His comment rolled in my head for, oh- about a month before this firing. I didn't tell anyone about it (shame does that to a gal) trying instead to stuff it away in the deep recesses of my brain.
Before firing I re-read the kiln manual for security and noticed a comment about how far back the target brick should be, 17" for my kiln. I went out and moved my target brick. I did this in spite of learning over the past 10 firings that my target brick did better if it was a bit farther back.The target brick might be a bit wide for a bit of flame to get through, which was a concern I had...but I left it alone...
Talk about a bad case of self-doubt, I move one thing that was fine and did not do another thing that I knew needed changing ~ I just shut myself down.
A challenge with firing a kiln is that you don't know if things are going well or not until it investing about 3-4 hours in the firing process when you get to see the first cones bending.
Can you see where I am headed here?!
I check the bottom peep hole and all the guard cones are standing up perky as can be.....look in the top peep hole and two cones are down while the other two are bending. The kiln was completely out of balance.
Enter- panic, anger, & humiliation (self imposed). I shut the kiln down, staving off tears. Why do I doubt myself so much???
After taking the rest of the day to cool my and Lucille's jets, I realize how much shame I've been carrying around since that off handed comment that I am not master of Lucille's universe (yet).
Shaming myself about it almost ruined a kiln load. The other options is to just admit it...so I admit it.
I am still learning how to fire my kiln and expect to keep on learning for another two years at least.
The next day I took out a new brick and trimmed it properly, put it back in the kiln where I knew it should go for my Lucille. Started the kiln up again and had a 'do over'
What did I learn this time? Well, the kiln still struggled to get to temperature on the bottom....and that would be due to over loading it. I decided to risk it and continue the firing. What I discovered is that with time the kiln balanced out. It wasn't perfect, but totally acceptable.
Another lesson learned- BALANCE the kiln load!!!!
This does not come easy to me, this balance you speak of.
Grateful to have very good results from this firing- except my old (from last summer mixed) Malcolm shino that freaked out...time to make a fresh batch.
All else went well, even got some copper reds! This was an important do over for me on many levels.
Maybe now that I've outted myself I'll be more open when I am clueless, or overwhlemed or whatever...maybe...I'll keep practicing anyway!
Thanks for listening~ Have a great week!
